finally....my comp allows me to type down probably my final thoughts before i'm thrown into the hall to be sitted in rows. it feels like crap.
usually ramadhan is the time i challenge my frens to pro evo bouts....but now...i'm challenging myself....
i cnt reflect much...although everyday i live like its the end.....and i have this terrible forboding feeling engulfing me.self-guilt i guess.there isnt much things i would like to discuss about cept for the impending dOOm that will befall every 16 year old in november.....it aint gone be anything for crapheads who do consistent well or consistently crap....but there are also some that have no worries coz their parents dun care much....overall they all have this year as a memory in the making....good bad....happy sad....miserable to say the least....
i dun feel crap for leaving my school...nor i feel sad....all i feel is numbness...(basically thats feeling nothing!! muahahaz) looking around...i realise my frens had changed their blog skins....kudos...
life's been stagnant...as much as i love routine....i stil hate persistent observation and pestering...its like being a hamster in a lab....one day u are injected with a strain of T-Virus and u're observed everyday for the rest of ur life for changes that may or may not happen....and u'll get scientist staring in your cage and jotting down wat u're doing....and u are in no place to fight back nor speak up....coz u'll end up being a subject to biology...and they cant hear u if u speak up....coz u're juz a hamster....a rat...a bloody mass of crap....and u will squeak...and they will see that as rebellion and u'll be thrown into a higher security cuboid of carbon steel....
sometimes i wonder...issit me or issit them? or issit just the mindset.....
scary as it is....i will face it...the grim reality.....fuck it....coz making myself happy would juz be lying to myself again.....
muahahahahahahz....i think i lost it.....coz i dun watch lost anymore...muahahahaz....fuck that day.....
erm....i wont swear again...hahahz...
sometimes u think back and reflect...and u'll see that life is juz a means to end it.....coz in it....u'll find happiness(partly),sadness(partly)....grievance(partly).....everything comes in parts...and it all comes to an end when u finally end ur insignificant significance....and then ur speculation over life after death would be unfolded....freaky shit....but thats the truth....the dead cnt talk but when they do,u know u are one of them....
yay....all i said din make sense.....mayb coz this is probably my final post till after November....so see ya at the final month(which u can see an old man searching for "hos" by jumping into peoples chimneys think they are brothels) where i will update y'all with all the latest news from the bunch...
i'll leave ya with some food for thought....
if u ever had urself thinking whether why is there space when there is heaven up there? u'll never find ur answer from Einstein nor Pamela Anderson =) hahahahahahhz
why follow a man-made device to determine the time we finish our work? why do we get scolded just because we cant make it on time?
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